Frick & Frack

Thought I'd share my post at The Pragmatic Progressive about Frick & Frack!

2. Snips & Snails and Puppy Dog Tall Tales…

Posted on February 23, 2011 by Maureen Gill

Or …Beads, Indians, Thanksgiving, and Socialism: What Frick & Frack Want You to Know About Universal Healthcare and American History.
I just worked several days on the 2^nd article in my series on truth and put together a fairly good article. It was about truth in broadcasting and went down some arcane and legalistic road about the Fairness Doctrine and the Truth in Broadcasting Law and…I fell asleep… Zzzzzzz…… God, was it b o r i n g… Yep, couldn’t keep my eyes open. God’s honest truth.

So I decided to take another tack and as I was poring over my collection of news clips and the other flotsam and jetsam of what serves as public discourse in America I came across statements made by Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck and, trust me, my eyes popped open and I was wide awake.

Are you ever overwhelmed with hysterical laugher while at the same time feeling a need to put your fist through the wall? Well, those two gaseous blowhards are so ludicrous and infuriating at the same time I sometimes don’t know whether to laugh or rant.

Today I decided to laugh — which, after all, might be the ultimate defense against Frick & Frack. Every time either one of them opens his mouth perhaps it would be better if we just fell down in hysterical laughter. There’s nothing that pisses off a pompous lying ass more than laughing in his face. Unfortunately, that’s kind of hard to do when they’re on radio or TV. Well, the laughing’s easy; getting the message to them not so easy.

Anyway, there’s such a treasure trove of absurdities that have been spewed by these two jerks that it’s really hard to select only a few. You may have your own (certainly, there are plenty to go around!) but here are my personal favorites. I would place the following very high in The Absolutely Ludicrous and Totally Insane Department:

On November 12, 2009, Beck (a/k/a “Frick”) told his radio audience this bit of weirdness:

“Do you know in the health care bill, we’re now offering insurance for dogs?  Do I need to say any more?”

That’s right: insurance for dogs. And his employer didn’t demand a psych evaluation. Damn. And, no, Frick, you do not need to say anything more. It seems enough to qualify you for Social Security disability as a mentally impaired person, as well as a massive dose of thorazine.

Last November Limbaugh (a/k/a “Frack”) decided to rip Obama to shreds over his presidential Thanksgiving message to the nation. Then he went after Native Americans and spewed his usual histo-babble (what I call history taught through the lens of psychosis) and then said the Native Americans “scammed us” in the deal to purchase Manhattan.  (Yeah, sure: they have the beads and we have Manhattan; makes perfect sense.)

But here’s my favorite Frackism:

“[Obama] said that Thanksgiving is about the Indians saving us, with their agriculture and everything else. The true story of Thanksgiving is socialism failed. Of course we showed them gratitude! We shared our bounty with them, not because we didn’t know how to make it. It was because we first failed as socialists. Only when we turned capitalists did we have plenty. The Indians didn’t teach us capitalism.”

The true story about Thanksgiving is socialism failed? The Puritans were socialists? Then they had an epiphany and became capitalists? (BTW: was that all on the same day?)
And someone actually thought the Indians were capitalists and Frack needed to set the record straight? There’s a real line of thought out there that says Native Americans were capitalists? Did anyone ever tell this to Marx? WTF?

You know, I once had a student write a history paper that began thus: “The Puritans came to the United States of America because they opposed the queen’s Magnificent Carta. Most immigrants have done the same. They’re all mad about something.”

Does anyone know if these guys have kids who go by different names?

Next: Why some people believe this s**t.